I was aware during the process of research, search and purchase of the boat of feeling overwhelmed by what I was embarking on. So overwhelmed I pretty much stopped writing anything. Which got me thinking about the nature of my creative output. It seems to me that I have to be feeling pretty big, overflowing somehow, to have the imperative to make something. It's like I cannot contain myself; I need to be manifest beyond my own physical boundaries. And this feeling comes when I have a sense of awe or love or illumination over something/one/place. And so I write a poem, cook food, take photos or whatever seems most appropriate given the situation.
But the boat was (still is) far bigger than me. It required vast knowledge I didn't have: maintenance (for god's sake, there's an engine!), gauging tidal heights for anchoring, sail trimming, skippering other people. So I had to learn. Although I soon realised that I did have some of this knowledge, I needed refreshing. I needed confidence. Still do. And so I wasn't (and still am not) overflowing my boundaries, but feel rather small in the shadow of its sails.
I think this is okay. A healthy respect for the boat and where it'll take me - the last wilderness of the sea - has got to be a good thing. Although I do wonder when the balance of our sizes will balance out and we'll sail in an equilibrium.